JUST IN: The Great Toast Debate of 2019

This photo of toast yesterday sent the internet into a frenzy.

The hottest debate of the year isn’t over Planned Parenthood, Second Amendment, or immigration. It’s toast.

Here’s the bottom line on The Great Toast Debate of 2019: Anything above the red line you can be considered a normal, functioning human being without anybody giving it a second thought.

Anything below the red line and you are in the danger zone of people staring at you and questioning why you like eating charcoal. This isn’t like flaming a marshmallow for a s’more where the outside will have a nice char but the inside gets gooey and delicious. The toast is just burnt. That’s it. You like to eat burned food and you probably order your steak well-done. If you like any amount of blackness on your toast then I would like you to be physiologically examined. But I am no bigot, I have a friend who likes burnt toast.

A1 is acceptable because that’s just bread, right? Nobody is going to question the sanity of somebody who simply likes their bread buttered and nothing more.

I mean imagine going home with the most absolutely perfect, smart and beautiful girl in the world. The first night you meet is the best night of your life. You take her out for breakfast the next morning only to find out she’s a G6 type of girl. Just devastating.

There is officially a line in the sand in The Great Toast Debate. I can sense Civil War upon us. Prepare yourselves and know who your enemies are in this war.

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